Do I desire Christ?
That question has been echoing in my brain for a while. By God’s grace alone, I can say that yes, I do desire Him. I long to be in His presence. I yearn to be a faithful servant, pleasing to my Savior.
There are so many other things that capture my attention. There are so many other things that draw my gaze away from my glorious Redeemer. Yes, I long for Christ, but I find my heart longing after MUCH that is not Christ also…and I hate it.
I hate it.
I despise this wicked heart of mine that can be so unmoved by God’s grace; that can in one moment rejoice in salvation, and in the next instant water at the mouth for sin.
I HATE it!
I imagine that the Christians in the arena had no distracting desires. Desires for love, wealth, fame, strength, power, etc were not even a blip on the radar in their minds. As they waited with uplifted eyes for the lion’s mouth, Christ was their sole desire. As the fires were lit beneath them, it became all too clear just how lasting Christ IS compared to how fragile this life is. It would be ludicrous to want some silly, worldly thing in that moment. No, Christ was ultimately captivating in that moment. The purest earthly worship that ever came from a Christian’s heart was the moment the world was shattered.
So the question that my heart is crying out is this: When will my lion come?!
Some of you will read that and think I’m unstable; that I desire pain or am some sort of masochist. No! I shudder to think of persecution. I do not want to suffer. I do not like pain. But if the lion’s mouth destroys the desire for the world in my heart so that I might desire Christ fully, then let it come! My desire is Christ, and I want to desire nothing else.
What a terrifying question. When will my lion come? Oh, but how beautiful is the Savior? Oh how He loves us! What will it take for my heart to love Him as much in return?
When will the lions come? God help me.